Just wrote a little blurb about my last family, and here I am feeling compelled to dig deeper about my personal share of the kids in the studio last night.
We've had a TOUGH WEEK. Like, tough to the point I texted a friend, "I don't think I'm fit for this mother thing."
I want to be raw and honest when I share my life- because I am a very positive person, but I also am very real- and life is not always perfect, and happy, and beautiful.
Sometimes this parenting gig is so tough, I want to throw in the towel and scream obscenities from which I will refrain from.... writing.
My kids are like any other kids- they're wild, defiant, challenging, spirited, loving, intelligent, SO INTELLIGENT. They captivate me, heart and soul. There is nothing I would not do for them, and sometimes that is my demise. I forget to give to myself. I forget I am not the energizer bunny. I forget that sometimes I deserve to not have to reheat my coffee 3 or 4 times before finishing one. cup.
We had a bit of an episode that involved the urgent care, and a few other things... and it reminded me to STEP BACK.
I don't have to be perfect, but I do need to be mindful. I do need to care about them enough to take care of their momma first. If I'm stressed, they're stressed. If I'm happy, they're happy.
So with the chaos and the trouble we found ourselves in this week- I talked to them during our nightly bath routine. I threw out- "want to go in the studio after bath and just, PLAY?" ***This is a big deal because this is a NO-NO space for them, generally. Mostly because I have lots of delicate props and one of a kind pieces from Vendors that I am terrified of them destroying in a game of Pirates***
They unanimously yelled, "Yeahhhhh!!" so, we went. I told them, "jump on the bed" I asked them to tell me their favorite part of the day (we had gone to see Life of Pets) and lunch with grandma and grandpa- we also were able to meet their dad for breakfast which is a rarity, but because of our week, was a must.
These are some of the images from them just BEING. Just playing. It was in that moment that I got everything I needed- and so did they. I got the reassurance that YOU KNOW WHAT- THEY ARE LOVED, AND THEY LOVE BECAUSE THEY ARE LOVED. And NO. I'm not patient- and dammit, it's tough for me to be sometimes. I am a mother juggling life, messy, awesome, sometimes shitty, but in the big picture- super amazing wonderful BLESSED life. I felt so much in that moment that even now writing you about it I am crying. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy because of how much I have cried since being a mother- you know that go from being terrified, maybe upset or angry to "hold up" and happy/grateful crying? No? Anyone? Ha.
My bottom line is, "It's because of THIS and moments like this one that they are exactly who they are." And my children, are WONDERFUL little humans.